One Family to the Other

Well you may have heard. I changed host families. There were some bad situations with my last host family and I really didn't feel all that great about them after we first started to live together. Yes, in my earlier posts I exclaimed that my host family was wonderful, but after a little time, it became quite clear that a change was needed.

Basically to explain the situation, my home itself was not the best place (and I am not just being an American who wants a nice house) my room was constantly damp. I would get in my bed at night and my sheets would even be a little wet. My books felt like they had saturated with water and my bath towel was always wet from the day before. This, I believe, probably led to mold or other problems (which I never saw but expected was there). My clothes would come back from the laundry and they would still be damp as well. It just wasn't very much fun. The house had an electronic gate where you could only access the house if you had the electronic button. This button (only 2 of them at a time) would sometimes and randomly stop working. One weekend I was informed that the button stopped working and that I would be unable to leave the house. I was upset because, I am paying to live in the house and I should be able to leave when I want to. When Saturday came, I wanted to go out with my friends and I talked to my host mom on the phone (they were out partying) and said that I wanted to leave. She was upset and told me "I told you about the key this weekend." I got to go out but it was a hassle and did not make me feel very welcomed. They had 4 dogs as well. These dogs were very skinny and every morning I would take my breakfast of (a bun with bread) out with me to the bus stop. The dogs would jump all over me because they wanted the food. They did not get fed enough at all --- to my standards, and they would sometimes get into fights over the food. When they got into fights, they would then go out and kick the dogs. It was not a place that I wanted to be quite frankly.

Another reason was that my host family smoked. Now, my mother smoked, but I believe that I must have some problem with cigarette smoke, because I was sick for quite some time with this family. I believe it may have been connected with this smoking habit. Even their 8 year old kid had a horrible cough all the time and finally they took him to the doctor and the doctor was like --- well perhaps you shouldn't smoke around him, so instead they would put their kid in the living room and close the door to the kitchen and continue to smoke anyways --- with me in the room. I also didn't spend that much time with them because they smoked after dinner and when they lit up, I would leave --- which they later told me was disrespectful, because I did not hold a conversation well. On top of that was told that I was disrespectful because I did not recognize (as in say hello and how was your day) as soon as my host dad came through the door from work. I believe myself to be very respectful person and to be totally honest, I was quite offended by these remarks.

They had a nana or servant, and they pretty much treated her very badly. Sometimes when the host dad was not happy with her he would call her "fatty". Which I did not like very much, because Pamela worked very hard for them. Another time, Pamela asked for Saturday off (she informed me that under their original agreement she would have Saturday and Sunday off, however they changed that when she moved in with them) and they got angry at her for doing so. She worked from approximately 6 am to 12 pm every night. She was a student at a local university studying tourism. I am keeping in contact with her via facebook. Pamela said that she was just going to leave on her Sunday off someday and never return. This was awkward for me because I knew that she was going to leave at a specific date, but she didn't want me to tell the family. Another problem I had one time was that my host mom let her son stay home from school (because he decided he didn't want to go to school --- which is weird) and Pamela was suppose to go to the grocery store. Well she wasn't allowed to take Jaime to the store with her and she wasn't allowed to leave him home, so she couldn't go to the store. When my host mom called to see if she had went to the store she lied to her and said that she did, in the hopes that I would watch Jaime and she could go to the store later. Well, my host mom asked to talk to me on the phone and at the same time Pamela asked me to lie for her. It was really confusing and eventually ended with my host mom yelling at me over the phone. Yeah, Pamela got into trouble and I was stuck in a bad place.

On the note of Jaime and school, he would just randomly decide not to go to school some days. I started counting how many days he missed of school and it ended up being that out of the 3 weeks I counted, he only went to school about 5 times. I was quite confused at this. Often times as well, Jaime would be so "enthralled" with the television, that his mom would have to feed him with his fork to his mouth the food. Mind you Jaime was 8 years old. It was really awkward for me to be in this environment.

Another main problem I had was with the food situation. I was never full when eating at their house and there was never anything to eat if I needed something in between meals. When we ate our meals if I was still hungry after dinner and I asked for more they would tell me there wasn't any more. Nothing ever changed in this respect either. They made a bean soup every Monday that I tried but hated. I told them that I didn't eat beans and they said that if they pureed it that it would be different. I tried this as well and I still didn't like it. Instead of changing the Monday menu, they kept it the same and told me I could have bread and butter. Another time, they made me dinner knowing that I was going out that night with friends. They didn't eat with me because they said they weren't hungry. I left but forgot something and came back about 20 minutes later. I found them eating Sushi that they had ordered. Pamela later told me that they didn't want to buy Sushi for me because it was too expensive, so they waited for me to leave. It just didn't feel, again, like the environment I wanted to experience.

COPA got in touch with the housing coordinator and I toured three houses/families on a Saturday and I picked one that I liked a lot. (More about my new family in another blog.) I was also told that the housing coordinator would come to the house and tell my family the situation and all I would have to say to them was --- thanks for everything and leave.

When the day finally came to move (I didn't tell my family anything before hand because COPA suggested that I not tell them because it would be better if it came as a surprise and they could not treat me worse because of my decision to move) Janette the housing coordinator called my house to let my family know that she was coming to pick me up and move me. My family was obviously surprised because I hadn't said anything. The process did not go as well as I had hoped. Janette took almost an hour and a half to come and pick me up leaving an hour and a half of awkward conversation with my host family (not to mention they had Muriel's mom at the house and Jaime's parents were on their way over. Muriel came into my room and she told me that Janette was going to come pick me up and that I needed to pack my things. I said okay. She was visibly upset and said she wanted to know what happened. I tried to tell her that the situation was not good for me and I needed something different. She didn't understand. She told me that "Christians don't do this to each other, they talk about their problems first" and "we are a family not a hotel". It was awkward, but I just said I was sorry and she said that it was fine --- but obviously it wasn't fine to her.

I finished packing my stuff and she came back into my room and asked me if they could have a minute with me (Janette still hadn't arrived) and I said okay. They started smoking in the kitchen and it was them on one side of the table and me on the other. It was almost like a little inquisition. They wanted more details of things that were wrong and why it wasn't working. I told them it just wasn't a good fit, which they didn't understand. I told them that their smoking was making me sick and that I just needed a different environment. My host dad told me that the reason I was sick all the time was because I didn't wear shoes in the house and because I didn't dress properly for the weather (which I wore the same clothes here I would wear in the winter in Minnesota--- and it never got below 32 degrees F here). I basically said that I disagreed with them. They drew the Christian card again playing off of my religion and spiritual beliefs and I ended up just telling them sorry and returning to my room.

When Janette came, they acted like everything was fine and nothing was wrong. I gave them hugs and said thanks for everything (which I thought I originally would only have to do). It was really weird. Janette and I left and I went to my new home.

Looking back on it, I feel like the Gonzales were using me as a source of income. They didn't care very much about my experience and instead were worried about making sure they could get the money they needed. I think this is why they were so specifically upset that I ended up leaving. I found out that my host family was being paid $700+ a month for me to live there and when I found that out and compared my service I received, I really knew it was time to move on.

I got into contact with the student who stayed with them last semester (who happens to go to Macalester College only a few blocks from Saint Thomas). She said that she really didn't like her host family that much either and that it probably was a good idea that I moved. This made me feel a lot better because it meant that it wasn't just me being a big dork, they really weren't a good host family.

Well, this has been a rambling rant about host families --- sorry if you are still with me and you are missing the exciting climax. It was an interesting situation. I will write more about my new host family in another blog post.